Toot Toot. Beep Beep.

America has proven to me, once again, that it has bad taste in music. Not as bad as the Germans (they love David Hasselhoff), but it's bad enough. R. Kelly's latest album TP3: Reloaded has sold over half a million copies within its first week. The success of which has to be attributed to the piece of crap song(s), along with the video, "Trapped In The Closet" chapters 1-5. Just when I thought he couldn't make worse songs than "Ingnition: Remix" or "You Remind Me of My Jeep," he went and proved me wrong. His lack of songwriting ability astounds me. He can tie together incoherent words and slap them over a catchy melody and a tight beat and sell millions of records. Heck, he can even pee on underage girls (on video tape) and people don't care. He sickens me. I can't believe people bought into this. Granted, the video for this song has the funniest video ever, the song itself is awful. I can't imagine how the rest of the album could be any better.

***SPOILER ALERT***

For those of you who don't know, "Trapped In The Closet" is a "groundbreaking" "urban operetta" that features "drama at its finest" (trust me, not even Passions or Days Of Our Lives could come up with a story this lame). Our hero, R. Kelly, has just awoken from a night of hard drinking and dancing in the apartment of the women he went home with the night before. He panicks and tries to get dressed. He has a wife at home. The woman enters into the room and tells him he can't leave. She tells him to get in the closet because her husband is coming up the stairs. He gets into the closet.

The husband comes into the room. He is happy to see his wife, until R.'s cell phone starts to ring. The jealous husband flies into a rage and searches the apartment. R. pulls out his baretta. The husband opens the closet.

People yell, there's a lot of confusion. Just then the husband's gay lover busts in and they argue some more. R. finds out that the woman isn't who she said she was and then she finds out that he husband is going to leave her and get married to his lover. R. calls his wife at home. A man answers the phone.

R. leaves the apartment and drives home as fast as he can. On the way he gets stopped by a cop. He gets home and finds his wife in the shower. He demands to know who the man was that picked up the phone. She says it was her brother Tron. They confess their undying love for each other and start to make passionate love. R. leg falls asleep and he pulls back the covers on his bed only to find a condom wrapper. He and his wife argue. She reveals that she knows where he was the night before and who he was with, because she was also at the club with another man when she had told her husband she was out with her girlfriends. She confesses that the man she was sleeping with was the cop that had pulled him over.

Tired already? He's releasing more chapters.