Thank You, Captain Obvious

Though I don't think imminent threats against our country are funny, Bin Laden's tapes are. Why are they funny? Because he somehow manages to make some of the biggest understatements...ever. Here is today's understatement of the year.

From CNN.com: ...Attacks against America "are in the planning stages and you will see them in the heart of your land as soon as the planning is complete."

Really? Is that what you do when you're done planning something? You do it? Huh...

Frick On a Stick!

As you've probably noticed, I now have an actual website. It's been pretty messy around here for the last few days... and it's going to get worse. I'm just giving you fair warning...

The Plaque for the Alternates Is In the Ladies' Room

In our visual communications class today, our professor showed us a picture of an airplane on an aircraft carrier. Let's pretend that the above picture is the picture we were looking at. Our professor asked "What do you think of when you see this picture?" Top Gun was the unanimous response.

She then asked "How do you feel when you think of Top Gun?"

Some idiot in front gave the stupidest answer to her question. In fact, it wasn't even related to the question at hand. It was so worthless, I will spare you, good reader, and paraphrase his non-answer.

"Blah blah blah blah unrealistic blah blah."

I didn't like his answer, so I told the guy that when I think of Top Gun, I feel dangerous. He said "I don't like you because you're dangerous." Then I said: "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous."

When I think of Top Gun I get PUMPED UP! FAST JETS! AFTERBURNERS! BREAKING THE SOUND BARRIER! MACH SPEED! FIGHTING! LOUD NOISE! YOU'VE LOST THAT LOVIN' FEELING! ARGHHH! I GET PUMPED UP JUST THINKING ABOUT IT! ARGHHH! NO GOOSE! NO!!!! ARGHHHH!!!!!

Man, that guy was a stupid lame-o.

Dr. Acula

My wife and I have been watching a lot of Scrubs. We have the first two seasons on DVD, so we now watch at least two episodes a day. I missed the entire first two seasons (for religious reasons). These are all new to me. This show is freaking underrated and freaking hilarious and it's a shame that not too many people watch it. Tuesday is the new Christmas because NBC has been showing two new episodes every Tuesday. This is one of the only shows that I watch that is consistently, laugh-out-loud funny.

On a separate matter, I'm annoyed at Fox for deciding to show Arrested Development's season finale on February 10th... the same night as the opening ceremony for the winter Olympics. Yeah, it's really going to draw in the big numbers on that night. SAVE THE BLUTHS!.

San Francisco: The Gayest Place On Earth

And by "gay" in mean happy(?) (Yes, I realize sarcasm does not translate well on the internet. No, I wasn't being sarcastic).


It's been a week since my wife and I returned from our visit to San Francisco and I'm just now writing about it. I am disappointed, because I don't have pictures of the craziest stuff that we saw there.

During our first morning in town, as we were asking the lady at the front desk about how to get to Fisherman's Wharf, a drunk guy wandered into the lobby asking for the restroom. The lady told him they didn't have any. Then he tried to take all the complimentary candy in the dish at the front desk. The lady got nervous an tried to "help" him to the door. The drunk guy told the lady that he loved her and then she pushed him out the door.

It was pretty funny.

On the wharf I spotted advertisements for In-N-Out Burger and Hooters placed next to each other. This is either tasteless or genius marketing.


We spent the entire day at Fisherman's Wharf. We ate at the Hard Rock cafe. We went to Alcatraz, too. Before we got on the ferry, we were forced to have our picture take-- one of the worst pictures I've ever had taken. I'll probably post it here later.

On the ferry to Alcatraz, I met a Brazilian family from Sao Paulo. They just got in from a 12 day stay in Hawaii and were going back home tomorrow. They were nice. They were rich. I was jealous.

Alcatraz was creepy. Mostly because I was there.

We went to the aquarium where I made some friends (with benefits).

Later we saw an FBI/IRS bust by the wharf. The pictures didn't turn out, but it was pretty exciting. Then we shopped for some souvenirs, and I found this bizarre magnet:
Anybody have any idea what this is? Besides really offensive?

We went home for the evening and then went up the next day to visit my grandparents for a few days. We returned a few days later to San Francisco and I saw this:

I wish you could see it, but the man is carrying an iPod. It's too small to fit in his cut-offs (there are dozens of us. DOZENS!). Gross.

Overall, San Francisco was pretty crazy, but it was fun. I'm sure we'll be back (that was not a Governator reference. Seriously).

How You Doin'?

My wife and I went to Target the other night to buy a wedding present for a good friend of ours who lives in Utah (he is Mormon and from SLC). Skimming through the pages of the gift registry, my wife found these items:


Yes folks, this is an actual scan of the gift registry. Many people have thought about doing this, but I don't know many who actually have thought about it and followed through. My wife and I thought about doing this, but realizing that aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents would see the list, we decided against it. Let's just say our friend has balls... and he plans to use them. Congratulations!

I Feel Like I Have A Tumor In My Mouth

Today was my first day at a real university. It was nothing compared to the fake one that I had been attending for the last few years. I was a little perplexed at some of the things that I discovered today.

Pictured below is an example of our new school IDs or ShockerCard. It is not only an ID, but it can also double as a check card if you wish to have a checking account with Commerce Bank. I have a checking account with Commerce Bank with money in it. I figured that since this was a WSU card that I could only use it on the WSU campus. That is not true. I was able to use it at an off-campus bookstore to buy my required textbooks for super cheap. I was happy that I did not have to go through the hassle of taking money out of my checking account to pay cash for my books.


Today, I decided to buy some food at the Chick-fil-a in the student center on campus. I figured that since I was on campus that I could use my ShockerCard to buy my lunch. This is not true. I, in fact, cannot use my ShockerCard, which doubles as a check card and is issued jointly by WSU and Commerce Bank to purchase my food, regardless of the amount of money I have in my checking account. Instead, I have to go through the hassle of withdrawing money from my checking account, which is linked to my ShockerCard, and go to the dining office at WSU to put money back on my card, not in my Commerce Checking account. Major credit cards and debit cards, however, are gladly accepted.

Book bags are not allowed in the campus bookstore, because students are not to be trusted. They might try to steal textbooks and college paraphernalia.

Since book bags are not allowed and since all college students are inherent thieves, you must leave your bags at the door. You can either use a quarter and put it in a locker, or you can throw it on the floor next to the door. Most students don't carry change on them, so they are forced to trust other students to not take their bags and throw them on the floor next to the bookstore entrance. The rhetorical question is: why is the bookstore forcing students to trust other students when the bookstore does not trust students?

Happy Birthday MLK!

I think I can see the Snoopy balloon coming up from behind.

Rice-a-roni the San Francisco Treat!

I am sitting in my hotel room at Hotel Bijou in San Francisco, California. The rooms in this hotel are themed after different movies filmed in San Francisco. Ours just so happens to be the Mrs. Doubtfire room. Unfortunately, they didn't give us any fat suits or powdered wigs.

After flying all day yesterday, I have two questions: even though all airplanes are non-smoking due to federal regulations, why are there ash trays builts into the bathroom doors in the airplane? And why is it that everyone on your flight can be standing around the baggage claim when the luggage is being unloaded from the plane, and none of the baggage on the baggage belongs to any of the people on your flight? Whose luggage is it?

Hopefully pictures will be posted later.

Save Our Bluths

What's going on with Arrested Development? Last night's episode was crazy and left a lot of people confused. It was entitled "Save Our Bluths." The whole episode was about the Bluth's trying to save their family (the show) by hosting a charity on their behalf. It was also making fun of every other shows desperate attempts to gain viewers (there were parts in 3D, the live ending, someone was going to die, the cavalcade of stars, etc).

The entire episode was filled with jokes about how the family was unlikeable and that people couldn't connect with them (hence the low ratings). They made fun the media and fan speculation of the show's future (Home Builder's Organization "HBO? They don't want us." "How about Showtime? We need some song and dance after dinner"). They even made fun of the shows attempt to get get ratings by casting Oscar winning actresses (Charlize Theron) as well as and endless parade of celebrities (Andy Richter, Andy Dick, Ben Stiller, John Laroquette, Richard Belzer, Zach Braff, etc.).

The charity, of course, was a complete disaster and they failed to raise any money for themselves (i.e. the show has tried desperately to save itself and gain viewers, but nothing they have done has helped the show). Even though they tried to seem desperate, it wasn't desperate enough (even after all the awards and acclaim, people still aren't watching the show).

In the end money (offers) flooded in because they didn't seem desperate. To make fun of other shows desperate attempts for viewers, the scene cut to a "live" feed, and the final lines of the show were:

Michael: "It doesn't pay to be desperate."
Lucille: "No, it sure doesn't."

The cast then began to celebrate.

The ending of the episode was confusing. After much thought, I have come to believe they were celebrating a move to a new network, possibly ABC. I could be reading into these lines too deeply, though.

I went to the web site they flashed on the show last night, SAVETHEBLUTHS.ORG, this morning and it seems like they are crying out to the show's fans for help. I really don't know. Until I hear anything official, I will stand by my belief that ABC has saved it from cancellation and it will be picking up the show.